Monday, September 3, 2012

A Devil in Jersey: Chapter VII

In Which the Reverend is Much Vexed by Mysterious Strangers



Except of Letter to Lieutenant Jonathan Longwynde from the Reverend Samuel Longewynde

…Now I can hear you now, my son, questioning why I took such a drastic step as utilizing a spell of Alignment so soon after I had used it to provide myself a glowing aspect for Colonel Maywood and his troops. As I have told you upon many occasions, it is a spell that can have the most deleterious effects upon one’s reason and should be used with the most moderation imaginable. However, I had not anticipated the near invulnerability of the demon and, when taken with the surprise it had achieved in attacking our party, I felt that the most extreme measures were needed if any of us were to escape alive.

Thus, I hazarded an alignment with Stone, taking upon my own skin the aspect of obsidian, which I knew well to be a stone of much magical properties and thus hoped to use it physically attack the demon. Upon retrospection, this was not the wisest of choices since obsidian, being a product of volcanic action, was in the nature of the element of Fire. Only too late did I realize that the demon, being a creature of the Infernal Regions, would prove to be invulnerable to such an attack. I can only blame this lapse upon the wounds I had already suffered in the encounter and the disturbed state of my wits, which had been somewhat disordered by several disturbing dreams I suffered whilst resident in Reverend Hadley’s house.

It transpired thus, Prince Leopold charged toward the creature, ridiculously shouting “Shiny!” This strange mode of attack at least had the virtue of engaging the demon’s attention and so Fenniman was able to leap onto the creature’s back and proceeded to ram the tip of the flaming powder horn in the bullet hole in the creature’s chest. Before it ignited, the demon reached behind and hurled Fennimen over its shoulder. The spry woodsman was able to roll to a stop without injury but the demon tore the flaming horn from its chest and flung into the burning copse of trees where the Hessians had died. It exploded harmlessly therein.

At this point, the Prince charged in, but the demon turn sidewise so as to avoid the direct attack. The Prince’s horse, being more judicious than its rider, came to halt while the prince did not, flying over its head, and, most unfortunately, colliding directly with me. I can only imagine the pains that the Prince suffered when he struck me, my skin being now made of stone. He collapsed at my feet.

The demon was still recovering its stance from its turn and so I took the opportunity to charge it. As I came close to the vile thing, I linked my hands and struck such a blow as would have killed any ordinary man. Much to my consternation, not only did my blow fail to inflict any harm upon the demon but I could feel strength ebbing from my own body and observed that the wound my cold iron ball had inflicted appeared to heal in an instant.

Shocked by this turn of events, I could not defend myself against the staggering blow the demon returned upon me and, as I slipped into unconsciousness, I felt its fearsome claws penetrating the flesh of my body once again.

Excerpt from A Hussy’s Progress, the Autobiography of Moll Daggett

Chapter the Fourth
How I Become an Honest Woman, Continued

Once we had proceeded down the path a bit, I told Zizzendorf that I could keep me feet, so he left me down, and we continued to run to the blockhouse. The Doctor had recovered from his earlier fall and was now bounding across the snow upon his spring heels in great leaps. Major Zed raced ahead us, cutting a wide if greasy path through the snowdrifts.

When I turned back, I saw to me horror that the dear Reverend had been knocked a chink and was lying in the path, his life’s blood draining from him.

Afore I could cry to Zizzendorf that we must save him, up popped the Prince. Now the bonny lad, seeing the Reverend lying lifeless, as neat as some opera buffe dancer, leapt up onto his horse, grabbed the Reverend by the shredded coat, and heaved him across the saddle. Sure, the boy might be a clot-headed idiot, but he did have a great portion of pluck.

Whilst this was occurring, his stouthearted steed, which had knelt to aid the Prince in this maneuvering, kicked back with its hind legs at the oncoming devil. The demon was further distracted by a sudden strike from a large frying pan flung by Fenniman from out of his traveling pack.

All of which conspired to give the now mounted Prince a chance to run to the blockhouse. Fenniman came too, clutching the horse’s tail and running pell-mell after. They charged directly into the blockhouse, the Prince crouching low in his saddle to get through the doorway not that clouting his head would have done an appreciable harm.

After they entered, we barred the door and several took positions at the firing slits. We could hear the devil smashing about outside, clawing at door, roof, and wall. I could feel the heat of flames breathed upon our refuge but despite the blockhouse being all of wood, no fire caught and I assumed that the magic from Hadley’s spell still granted us this respite. As occasion presented itself, one of our party would take a pot shot at the creature when it came near but this had little effect save to enrage the beast. Suffice it to say that somehow the old charms worked to protect us. After an hour or so of such impotent attack from each side, the devil gave up and went away.

Still we had been sore hurt with the Reverend on death’s door. Good Doctor McC. immediately went to work to bind the poor Reverend’s wounds and I provided what small knowledge I had as well. The Doctor applied dressings and such but then to my amazement, he produced a small Indian pipe from his coat and began blowing the smoke and breathing it out. As this was occurring, I observed that the Reverend’s wounds were beginning to heal afore me eyes and he soon came conscious though was sore weak. We next turned to Prince Leopold who had been sore hurt but not as fearful as the Parson. Here, the treatment was e’en more effective for, aside from scars across his belly, the boy was full healed in a few moments. Finally, the doctor applied some of the smoke to himself for the ills he suffered from his numerous falls.

While the Reverend rested, we had time to take stock of our situation. Twas at one point, I noticed that Zizzendorf had his eyes upon me and, if my imagination twas not running wild, they did not have the usual look of disdain in them.

Besieged

I thus spake mildly to him for what must’ve been the first time in our acquaintance.

“Mr. Zizzendorf,” says I, “of me many, many sins, ingratitude tis not one them. I do thank ye with all me heart for pluckin’ me from danger.”

He was genuinely surprised and stammered an answer, “Well… I…what I mean… the Reverend views you as an asset in his work…It would have inconvenienced him to lose you.”

“So you saved me only for the Reverend’s sake?” said I, surprised by my own disappointment.

“Well… I … myself… I consider also that you are a very adequate cook!”

Ordinarily, I would have railed at such a trite return but the silly oaf said it with such sincerity and good will that I had not the heart to berate him. Truly I must have been going soft with all the religion that was about me.

Once we twere settled, it grew exceedingly hard for me, for the walls of that blockhouse seemed to close in upon me and all I could think of was the dream I had tother night of the walls closing in upon me in dead Hadley’s house.

I was near to bursting and would have fled from the place had not Doctor McC offered that, upon his approach to the blockhouse, he had seen a body at the nearby cabin. He asked if we should not examine it.

Betimes the Reverend felt well enough that he wished to examine the body the Doctor had seen. So we all piled o’ver to the cabin, Yap excepted for to remain and watch the horses. We approached much worried and much upon our guard for the short winter day was coming to an end, using only the most discreet of links to light our way.

We saw that there, splayed out in front of the door was the body of a man with great, fresh blood spattered about it on the ice. Now I had seen a few that was murdered in my life, especially during my days in London but I had ne’er seen a body in such a state. He was lying on his stomach and when we turned him o’er we saw that he had been ripped from stem to stern and his guts came spilling out upon snow.

Young Bozarth, after being sick at the sight, recognized him as a farmer of the village, one Ramsey by name and one of the congregation Elders, having inherited that office from his father. This elder Ramsey had been one of them that had originally agreed to Reverend Hadley to stand watch for the devil. The younger Ramsey whose body now lay before us had argued to the village before our arrival that the sons of the Elders owed a family’s duty. Thus he had volunteered to come back to take up his father’s stance and hold back the devil.

Twas clear he had just arrived that day. Fresh footprints were in the snow and we could hear his horse in the barn that stood behind the cabin.

There was a big pile of provisions, mostly hardtack and bacon sitting on the floor. That twas until Major Zed dove into the pile and ate them, the bacon still being raw.
There were woodworking tools lying strewn about the floor. Twas then the Doctor noticed that the wards and charms carved upon the house were freshly renewed and the posts outside the blockhouse had been carefully placed back in order. Among Ramsey’s baggage, we found an aged sheet containing the charms and designs copied no doubt from Reverend Hadley’s original notes.

Reverend L concluded that this Ramsey must have been endeavoring to restore this watch post and our survival proved that he had had some success. He must have been lured out by the same method as the others had been, perhaps the same urgings I had felt to flee the blockhouse, and so killed by the terrible demon.

In darkness then, we buried Ramsey and the two Hessians whose burned corpses we retrieved from the burned woods. While the Reverend said words o’er their graves, I wondered how many more would perish from this creature’s wrath.

Excerpt from The Truest Son of Liberty, Being an Account of My Life Spent in Defense of the Rights of Man in the American, French, Polish, and Ruritanian Revolutions by Valerian Zagloba

With the knowledge that the blockhouse and cabin were places of sanctuary, we determined to enjoy the sleep of the worthy. I thus took a place to ease my ill-used body and soon found myself in sweet Morpheus’ embrace although still quite famished from our endeavors. It was the first night of blessed, peaceful sleep that we had had since setting forth upon this road of trials.

The next morn we were greeted by dazzling Helios shimmering off the Hyperboreal mantel. We were all in better spirits though to refresh myself I had only my small reserve cordial, a flask of pure vodka, kept sown into the lining of my coat for just such a quandary.

The Reverend, though still sorely injured indicated his desire to examine the last of the three blockhouses before we returned to Crosswicks. I protested most vehemently since there was a poverty of provisions that we could not be expected to further our inquiries being so close to starvation. I argued that we should return to the village and there revive our taxed constitutions before engaging the enemy again.

However, my entreaties proved of no avail. The travails of the previous day had left their mark upon our party who showed much lassitude to my complaints, even though these were raised upon their behalf. Thus we found ourselves, famished, journeying to the McKann residence, site of what had been the final last murder but now, with the killing of Ramsey, becoming penultimate in that distinction.

It was but a mile or so between the two farmsteads but even so, it was a hard journey, there being no path and we had to pick our way through the woods that were copious with snow. I must mention that I was quite famished and weak from hunger but endeavored to do my duty and thus provided protection to the ladies of our party by taking position betwixt and somewhat behind them, that I might be available to defend or rescue them in the event of further misadventure.

We had only but shortly left the enhutment when Fennimen signified to us that he had discerned some riders moving parallel to us along a low ridge to our left. We all halted our progress and attended these newcomers.

All of us that is save His Royal Distractedness. As before, the effervescent Prince and his hounds, lead the way. Whether it was the finest of the day, the well-being felt after a good repose, or the more likely case of witlessness, the utterly chocolate-brained noble rode on despite our efforts to signal him to halt.

It was clear that a large party of brigands, no doubt the infamous Pine Robbers, had crossed our path. Far from showing any fear, our party showed a fortitude bordering on recklessness, most no doubt believing that having faced one of Satan’s children, mere banditti would hardly be cause for fret. Fennimen, Yap, and Mrs. Dagget vanished from sight, using the foliage to obscure their presence. Even Dr. McCleane and Madame retired from view, leaving only myself, the Reverend and Bozarth the Younger to defy the highwaymen.

The Pine Robbers Watch

It was at this juncture that a most charming smell came to my nose, that of cruciferous vegetable reminiscent of simple turnip soup but with a rawer piquancy. Unable to control the calls of my hunger I ran ahead.

Imagine the disappointment then, when, rather than a charming meal, I found several of the marauders lying in wait with the Prince as their captive. They were holding him pinion with a very large turnip shoved in his mouth.

As I later learned, after the bumbling prince had ridden ahead of us, he suddenly encountered a great tree branch that was used to knock him off his horse. The robbers soon trussed him up and shoved a turnip in his mouth as the quickest means of gagging him, telling him that he would not now be able to call his diminutive squirrelly minions to his aid.

Thus, I encountered him as well as the muskets and pistols of the latrones. Not wishing to bring harm to the young dolt-melon, I was forced to surrender. The brigands then with muskets and pistols directed at both of us, marched us back toward the clearing in which I had left our party.

When it was clear that Reverend Longewynde was aware that we had been captured, one of the horsemen on the ridge called out, “Be you the Reverend Longewynde?

To which he replied in the affirmative and asked the identity of his interrogator.

“I am known by the name of ‘Scratch.’”

“That is an unusual and unfortunate choice of names, sir,” said the Reverend with much spirit.

“Aye, I shall not dispute that, Reverend, but not one so professionally embarrassing as being called ‘Long-wind’ when one is a preacher.”

“What is that you want, Mr. Scratch?”

“It is not what I want but that which our leader and employer desires.”

“And what might that be?”

“I wish to speak with you, Reverend,” came a strong but definitely feminine voice from amongst the trees.

Immediately, a figure rode forth into the clearing upon a black horse, in black cloak and with a wide-brimmed black hat upon her head and black mask covering her face. For it was clear that the brigands’ leader was a LADY! Despite her voluminous cloak, I could discern that she bore a most pleasing and shapely figure!

Black Meg

Before I could intervene and render her more amenable to our cause with my charm, she rode up to the Reverend, dismounted, and began to speak.

“I am called Black Meg. These woods are mine and you tread in them at your peril. You are reckless, sir.”

“You may claim what you like, Mistress, but these woods are not yours alone. If you were nearby yesterday, then surely you know about the fight we had with the so-called Devil of these woods.”

“Oh, I know of that and many other things beside. For instance, I know that afore you entered the woods yesterday you were digging in the late Reverend Hadley’s grave and yet said prayers over the grave. What did you intend there? Did you mean to desecrate the grave or perhaps to move his body to consecrated ground?

The Reverend seemed truly perplexed, “Strange a common robber would be so concerned about whether an old grave has been disturbed?”

“I am a brigand only because I oppose injustice and there has been much injustice done here over the years,” came the dark lady’s response.

“If you speak of justice then surely you know that no suicide can be buried in consecrated ground. I presumed too much when I said word over his grave.”

“Shall I not dispute that, Reverend? If someone poisoned your soup and you ate it unknowingly, would that be suicide simply because you unwittingly became the instrument of your own death?”

“The two situations cannot be compared. A suicide is a conscious act. The Reverend hung himself in his own study.”

The amazon’s response was filled with spirit, “Reverend Hadley’s mind was deranged, and his actions were not those of a responsible man.

“Mistress, this is an interesting discourse but I have important work to which I must attend first. When the matter of the devil is resolved, I shall be happy to discuss the Reverend Hadley’s interment.”

“But do you not see, Reverend Hadley’s fate bears directly upon your work. There are those in the village who would see that you share the same fate, who are working even now towards that end. Do you think that the raid by the British was a happenstance? Do you think the devil’s attack upon you yesterday was simply because you stumbled upon it along your walk? There are those who intend you to die or be driven mad.”

“Then tell me who they are.”

“I am forbidden by oath from revealing the identity of these evil-doers, these worshippers of Satan, these murderers. Someone else must bring them to justice.”

“A robber that scruples at oath-breaking?”

“You should know better than any that when fighting evil, one is ill served to sin casually.”

“Why do tell you me this, why do you seek me out then?

“Because I hope that someone who is not bound by oath may bring these evil-doers to justice. I had hopes when you arrived that you would be the one so to do. In this I was wrong.”

“Why do you not join us then? You and your men could assist us in the defeating the devil. Surely you can help in some way that will not violate your oath?”

“Though I wish you well, Reverend, I shall not join you now. I fear that you will fail and leave behind you a greater chaos than when you arrived. Examine how you have proceeded here! You run about the woods confusedly, nearly cause a massacre, your fat companion running after the Squire’s wife, the young wastrel prince acting like a fool in the outhouses, you lead your friends blindly into ambush after ambush. All this while the real culprits are before your eyes in the village itself! No Reverend, it is a wonder that you have survived thus long. You and your party possess a certain strength and incredible luck. I had thought we might ally but I can now see you are too rash to avoid folly and too stiff-necked and proud to seek aid from those who would wish you well. It would be unchristian were I to leave you to your fate without warning. My only hope now is that you do no harm to my cause before you are destroyed. To spare you that end, I urge you to leave now.”

The Reverend responded with some defiance and I perceived a look of sadness in the virago’s eyes, as they peer lustrously over her mask.

With that, Prince Leopold and I were released. One of the robbers raised a complaint to his cheiftainess, saying that we should at least be robbed ere we be let go. Without a word, the black-clad lady drew a pistol and shot the brigand in the knee.

“Be glad that you have served me well till now, Thomas,” she said to shot man who rolled on the ground in pain, “For had you not, I would have shot to kill for such impudence.”

With that, the mob faded back into the woods as easily as they had come, dragging the wounded Thomas none too gently with them.

Fennimen emerged from a hiding place and said, “Well, I’m sure glad she don’t sin casuallike. You want me to track them, Parson?”

“No, we have a difficult enough fight already without picking new ones.”

Excerpt from Samuel Longewynde, Notes upon the Investigation into the Occurrences at the village of Crosswicks, in the State of New Jersey, December 1776

Investigation of the McCrann farm revealed it to be similar in particulars to that of the other two locations. Unlike the Crump farm that Ramsey had restored, the charms and other wardings showed evidence of recent desecration.

During this examination, it was determined through application of a compass that the positioning of the blockhouse and three posts were at a slight angle from a straight line drawn between each of the locations.

This observation caused a more detailed examination of the documents obtained from Hadley’s grave. It was seen that these contained a map of the area surrounding the three locations. This map displayed a line from the apex of each blockhouse through the triangle formed by the three posts. The lines were extended into the woods. As was suspected, the two outermost lines were at a slight angle from the centerline and thus all three lines intersected at a point some three miles within the depth of the Pine Woods.

The documents also contained specific instructions for the construction of the blockhouses, noting in particular the need to cap the structures with roofs decidedly pyramidal in shape. Likewise, the placement of the three posts was specified in meticulous detail as well as the charms to be placed thereon.

It was discerned that the structures with their peculiar design were intended to be a means of focusing the life force of those who dwelled within. The point at which these forces converged was decidedly fixed and anything not of a natural condition would be under the greatest coercion from this focused force of life.

It was realized that, the purpose of this construction was not to directly hold the demon but rather the essence of its mother. The burial place in the village notwithstanding, the true resting place of Mother Leeds’ essence, either by heart or soul was to be found at this focus. Since the demon was bound by its nature to travel never so far from its mother’s essence, the whole system of construction was intended to fix the creature to this point just as surely as a collected insect is skewered upon a pin.

Further contemplation suggested that the house built close by each of the blockhouses was to provide the regular lodging for the resident Elder but at certain times, perhaps such as All Hallows Eve, or when reports of the creature stirring would be had, the Elder or his sons would adjourn into the blockhouses and devote their energy, both physical and moral, to projecting their strength to form the mystical bonds for the demon.

Further examination of the notes revealed that the intention was that the assigned families were to abide only temporarily in the woods and were to exchange the duty with another of the Elders’ families each year upon Easter Sunday. Thus there were six Elders to stand three guard posts.

It was not difficult to deduce what the sequel to this establishment had been. As the original generation of watchers died and the feeling of danger lessened with each passing year, the more mundane of concerns took priority and so, in time, there was less enthusiasm for returning to the lonely Pines until the binding spells began to fray. This process of demoralization was added perhaps by Black Meg’s mysterious “they.”

Adding to and perhaps completing this demolition of the binding spell, was the arrival of the late Mr. Varney who, before being consumed by Prince Leopold, had visited this place with Franklin’s son, Governor William Franklin.

Likely, Varney had acquired knowledge of the spell and its purpose from the same tome in the possession of the Royal Society that had been the distant origin of Hadley’s spell. Perhaps hearing from William Franklin, who as governor may have had knowledge of them, of the strange structures in Crosswicks and their purpose, Varney determined their exact nature and the means of releasing the creature. Hoping perhaps to control the creature or at least release it upon a rebellious populace, they came to Crosswicks with the intention of finally liberating the demon. Thus, the current troubles have resulted.

Excerpt from A Hussy’s Progress, the Autobiography of Moll Daggett

Chapter the Fourth
How I Become an Honest Woman, Continued

After we had done at the McCrann place, we returned to Crosswicks, arriving after full dark.

The Hessian Lieutenant greeted us as we walked onto the village green. He asked the fate of his men, the Reverend told him of all that had transpired with the Devil, but curiously, he mentioned not our encounter with Black Meg. The Hessian was most upset, no doubt the men and their equipment being costly to replace and likely to have the sum docked from his own pay. He said he would visit their burial place on the morrow to pay respects in their own way. He made it clear that no more of his men would be adventuring with us. The Reverend, looking wearier than ere I had seen him, simply nodded his head.

We would not sleep again in the Hadley house and the Reverend said that we would abide in the church this night. Before we could rest however, he said he must speak with the men of village. He sent young Bozarth to fetch Dalby and as many of the village husbandmen as could be shook out.

I was sent to fetch victuals from the house for, expecting stuff-gut Major Zed, none of us had aught to eat in near two days. I entered the house with great fear and trembling feeling the place was not fit for the tread of man. I found all the food in the house spoilt and all the drink gone bad, even the water which had just been drawn the day afore.

I returned and reported this intelligence that was greeted by a great wailing from Major Zed who would have gone himself to partake of the foul eating but the others forestalled him.

By this time, Dalby and a gang of villagers had arrived. Twas then that the Reverend spoke out, telling them that only a renewal of the defenses created by Hadley would save them now. He said they must have new oath takers since the families of the original Elders were rubbed out, save Dalby and Bullfinch, so others must step forward to take their burden.

Well one could have farted in Westminster on Coronation day and gotten a better reception. There was much shouting and gnashing of teeth at the thought of any of them volunteering to go into the Devil’s woods.

Finally, Dalby spoke up, “My dear friends, at least listen to what the Reverend has to say. Although I do not relish it, it may fall to us to take up the burden of our fathers.”

One old cove, a man named Jessup, glared back and sneered, “Now see here, Squire, ye have no right to speak to us so. Speak not a taking up our father’s burden when you not even of Dalby blood!”

“What do you mean, ‘not of Dalby blood?’” asked the Reverend.

“Why he was an orphan taken into the Dalby house by the Old Squire. So where thinks he to make such demands upon us?”

Before any more could be said, a well-appointed calash drove into the center of the village. Two men, both wearing coats of black velvet of richer sort, dismounted. I saw they bore arms under these fine clothes. They came over to the gathering by the church.

Gentlemen of Midnight

“We seek the Reverend Longewynde.”

At which the Prince whispered loudly, “Whatevew you do, don’t teww them youw name, Wevewand!”

A wicked, sardonic smile sprouted on the lips of the shorter of the two.




Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A Devil In Jersey: Chapter VI

In Which the Reverand and His Friends Make the Acquaintance of the Devil




Excerpt from Samuel Longewynde, Notes upon the Investigation into the Occurrences at the village of Crosswicks, in the State of New Jersey, December 1776

Upon closer examination, the documents contained in the second iron box found in Reverend Hadley’s grave proved to contain the description of an elaborate series of spells including the construction of various wards and charms designed to maintain a barrier to forces diabolical.

The provenance of this work was initially unknown, not being recognizable from any Western tradition. Annotations in Hadley’s hand indicated that he had copied it from the volume of Binsfield found in the Academy’s library at Princeton. However, no version of Binsfield contains this particular series of spells and it was therefore concluded to have been taken from hand-written notes made on the end pages of that volume.

The work itself was finally recognized by Major Z. as coming from a work he had seen in the library in the residence of his mother’s family near the city of Zenda. It came from an obscure tome titled Suasoria Luciferi by J. Sandorius, a Transylvanian alchemist who was briefly associated with the Ruritanian Royal Court in the latter part of the last century. At least one volume from a limited publication had been provided to the Royal Society in London, which may be taken as the source of these notes.

The series of spells and constructs were elaborate and would require a considerable time to decipher let alone prepare and cast. Of initial note is that fact that these barriers are intended to be focused upon a static location. That is to say, there is a single immovable point to which the wardings are aligned and this point is the location of a thing of evil. Thus is begged the question of why such spells were used against a motive entity?

Excerpt from A Hussy’s Progress, the Autobiography of Moll Daggett

Chapter the Fourth
How I Become an Honest Woman, Continued

After playing mudpies in dead Hadley’s grave, we set off into the woods to have a gander at the Crump farm, the scene of the second slaying.

Now, the way to Crump’s twas not a road by any sense of the meaning but more a narrow twisting path through dense pines. Added to this were drifts of snow encrusted with ice from a recent freezing rain. A worse terrain besmirched by worse weather could not be found this side of North Wales.

And oh what a great mob we were crowded upon that narrow path, more like a procession on Saint Bridget’s Day and twice as daft.

Out in front was the thimble-witted Prince Leopold mounted on his steed, Bucephalus. Now a fine horse it twas, big and strong yet quick and far wiser than its master, not meaning to damn the horse with faint praise, for twas a most excellent, intelligent horse.

Like his other hounds yapping at the Prince’s heels twas Yap himself who had forsaken his Indian garb now that we had not to fear the English army. Odd to say, though, Yap did not forsake using the trite phrase of “How!” whene’er twas clear that the Prince had grown particularly tiresome to him.

Now this had an unfortunate sequel, for along the way, we passed by a tree in which a large owl twas ensconced. With the puzzle-witted Prince first in line, he came upon it first and must a disturbed the poor bird, for it suddenly cries out, “Whooo!”

Well, young Muddle-brain, responds, “Tis me, Weopowd!”

“Who?”

“Weopowd.”

“Who?”

“Weopowd!”

“Who.”

“WEOPOWD!!”

This twould have gone on all the day, had we not come up on the scene and Major Zed made to eat the bird so it flew off.

In addition to our bemuddled van, the main body of our party twas comprised of the Reverend out afore and Bozarth the Younger sent along as guide. This scrofulous little mite twas as lazy and dimwitted as a turnip, and looked a passable bit as one too, so twas no wonder his father did not hesitate to be parted from him and placed in harm’s way.

I was behind them with Madame of the Lilypad and gorge-gutted Major Zed.

We had brought with us two of the Hessian Jagers, Stefan and Karl by name, who Zizzendorf insisted twere very fine woodsmen in their own country. One of these strode lightly through the thickets upon our right whilst Fennimen snaked his way through the bosk on our right. ‘Tother was our rear guard with prickly Zizzendorf himself. Though I would ne’er say so to him, the presence of the obtuse Prussian gave me some comfort for twas as grim and frightening a journey as I ere set foot upon.
Although we had left Hadley’s grave about one o’ the clock in the afternoon, ‘twas as dark as gloaming with the sky full of the darkest cloud, appearing so low as one could seemingly touch them.

All of us, save the Prince who chose to have a battle of wits with his horse and lost, were most subdued. A grave sense of foreboding seemed to pervade our party entire. When upon occasion I caught a glimpse of Fennimen moving through the copses, he seemed to move with great deliberation and bore a look of high perturbation. Even the Reverend’s viz appeared pale with his jaw clenched tight and him staring intently at the path afore us.

Then, we heard a sound in the treetops.

We all stopped and saw the pines shaking in turn, as if some great thing was leaping from top to top, always coming toward us. Me heart was thumping like a recruiting party’s drums and me guts turned to water within me. I backed off the path and tried to hide meself under the trees. I saw at all the rest had joined me, seeking what scant cover could be purchased of the evergreens.

All, that is, save the Reverend who clutched his Bible in his hands and began muttering prayers, the Doctor who played with his spectacles as if to trying to get a better look at the onrushing doom, and Zizzendorf who drew his pistol and set himself with stubborn look upon his face that I used to loathe but welcomed now.

This be no Squirrel

A sudden, a great creature sprung from the foremost of the trees. Twas truly a thing o’ horror. Dark, fire red it twas with great batlike wings spreading twenty feet or more from its back. Its head was that of horse but terrible true nightmare 'twas, with great yellowed horns curving wickedly from its temples. From its throat came a deep piercing groan as horrible as the sound the rack makes when it turns upon a victim.

A cry of terror escaped unbid from me lips and I flung meself into the snow, hoping to avoid notice. Fenniman, who stood hardby, lifted his long gun and fired directly at the devil. I could see the ball strike directly into the monstrocity’s chest but it did no harm and appeared to have struck off harmlessly.

The awful brute swept down upon the Doctor who, at the last moment, appeared to comprehend the danger. He clicked his heels together, producing those ridiculous spring heels. This time, he jumped upon them just as the Devil’s terrible claws were about to enclose him, and he sprang away and flew over the monster’s back. Though he saved himself, the good physician failed to avoid the tree that stood behind and crashed into its branches. Unlike at the church, he did not lose the fight with the limbs and so stayed with the tree’s boughy embrace.

The creature landed and I could take its full measure. Twas a dozen feet or more with great bulging muscled arms that ended in saberlike claws. Its eyes glowed a fierce orange in the dusky light. Then it bounded up and took flight again.

Twas then, Yap, who had brought his horse near to us, plucked out a grenadoe, lit it with his flint and flung up at the Creature as the thing rose above the ground. The bomb hit the devil directly in the chest and discharged. The force of the blast did no discernable harm to the creature but it flung the great beast back into the pine tree that twas the refuge of Doctor McC.

Now, I could only imagine the thoughts that raced through the good Doctor’s mind when he found himself separated from the Devil by a few inches of pinewood. I twould surely have swooned. But the Doctor, despite his usually mealy manner proved to be far sterner than I would have expected. I later learned that, whilst the creature gathered its bearings, the doctor produced his spring-loaded scarificator from his pocket. He dipped the attached lancets into a bottle of sleeping draught. Then he pressed the scarificator against the hellspawn’s back and fired all twelve lancets therein. Strange to say, the blades entered the beast’s hide, even thought no blood came forth.

The devil did not seem to note this back strike for the Reverend strode forth and produced his own pistol which twas loaded with a cold iron ball. When he fired, the ball struck the hellion and there was some effect, for a small hole twas visible in the thing’s shoulder and the slightest of grunts escaped its maw. The terrible demon seemed to be struggling to escape from the tree in which it had been knocked.

Fennimen, who had been endeavoring to load his long piece, leaped up, his powder horn and flint in his hands. He intending to ram the horn into the wound on the creature and set it afire. Instead, the creature kicked him away like dross and he landed hard by in the snow.

Then we heard the oddest call, a great “View Halloo!” and down the path came Prince Leopold, charging on his steed, waving his saber about his head like a whirly-gig. He rode up to the beast, whose bulk was still locked into the branches a good six above the ground, and struck it hard. Sad to say for the brave idiot, the saber bounced off the creature’s flesh as if twas a buttering knife.

The devil raked the highborn shaver with its terrible claws and the poor toff flew off his horse in a great mist of blood.

Now as I have said, his horse was far wiser than the Prince and took the royal collar in its teeth and dragged the lad to safety. Betimes the Prince struggled onto the back of stallion but was sore hurt and the royal blood flowed onto the cruppers.
Then Madame de B. came up next to me. She said, “I have an idée. Can you get close to this diable and blow flame upon the snow in the tree in which it is?”

Feeling that I had played the poltroon for long enough, I told her that I thought I could.

Thus I found myself creeping up upon the foul spawn of hell and, from some brush hardby it, spewed a mouthful of burning rum into the branches. The sudden fire caused much of the snow in the branches to go up in a cloud of steam about the devil. Then the Frenchwoman crooked her hand at the beast whilst grasping her jewelry. Of a sudden, the steam turned into hard ice and the creature could scarce seem to move within.

Doctor McC. took this as his opportunity to escape from so close a proximity to the creature. He held onto the branches and pulled his feet up until he could push against the ice-encrusted devil, thinking this the fastest way to fly from this scene of danger. Unfortunately, the good physician had not looked at what twas behind him when he hazarded pushing off and thus drove himself a short distance across and into a neighboring pine which he struck with prodigious force. This must have knocked the breath from him for the good sawbones fell from the branches into the snow below.

The respite for the rest of us twas e’en briefer. The ice soon cracked apart and I saw with me heart in me mouth that the devil was gaping down at me. It swept down but this time, its wings were not quite as steady and his head lolled back and forth. Still it hurtled towards me. I closed me eyes just afore he struck and heard a great crash and twas knocked off my feet. When I opened me peepers again, I saw that the creature had fully missed and struck the tree behind me. But the thing was struggling to regain its feet and was glaring at me with its fierce flaming gaze.

I was petrified by fear and could scarce move to escape. Then I heard a great blast and a double-charged of ball and buck struck the devil square in the forehead. Behind me stood Zizzedorf with a smoking pistol. As the creature shook off the effect of the bullet strike, the Prussian grabbed hold of me arm and pulled me away. He flung me o’er his shoulder and headed off down the path.

We swept past the Reverend who stood in the middle of the way with a vial of the holy
water in his hand. He said, “Get to Crump's blockhouse, it should lie less than half a mile down the path!”

The Reverend then ran towards the creature whilst the rest of us retired down the path toward the blockhouse. The Reverend came upon the creature just as it was emerging from the woods and he flung the water upon the beast. While the Reverend endeavored this, the beast brought down its fearsome claws upon the Reverend’s breast and the talons bit deep into him. He fell as if dead in a pool of blood at the devil’s feet.

Whilst the holy water sizzled a bit upon the devil’s arm, it did not slow the brute. The monstrosity flew along the path after us. As it flew, it turned its ill-omened head towards the woods through which Yap, young Bozarth, and the two Hessians were racing. A great blast of fire was spat from the devil’s lips and the whole copse went up in flames. The poor Germans were caught in the blast and their screams echoed in my ears as they burned to death. Yap, who was still ahorse, whipped his nag out of the flames, grabbing young Bozarth by the scruff of the neck, pulling him on a pillion.
As we struggled to get away from the creature, we passed the wounded Prince who had turned his horse to face the hellborn thing. He once more brought his saber and shouted to us, “Go! I shaww stand hewe and howd this beast back.”

Racing towards a Questionable Safety

Beyond him, I saw the Fenniman had come out of the woods behind the demon. The woodsman had a flaming brand in his hands. Then I realized twas his powder horn that twas lit and sputterin’ in his hand.

From the tother side of the path, the Reverend now came, bloody and disheveled and lacking his periwig. Of a sudden, his aspect turned all as midnight with his skin taken on the glossy black appearance of obsidian.

Now, Major Zed had told me that the Royal Family had a most obsessive attraction to all things that shine and glint in the light. So it twas that when the Reverend, by some strange artifice, transformed his skin into a shining black stone, it proved to be irresistible to the clop-headed royal.

With a great shout of “Shiny!” the Prince flung himself upon the Devil.



Monday, August 27, 2012

Clockwork Bits

The jewelry sections of craft stores are good places to look for various little ornate bits that can be used in creation some of the contraptions used in VSF or Clockwork games. I recently found some great items at Micheal's. There are a line of steampunk style earings and charms. Here's a picture of them with a 28mm figure to show scale:


I thought these might make good leyden jars:


These might make barrels for some type of arcane gun:


These could be used for some type of Atlanean crystal-powered device:


Gears:




Thursday, August 23, 2012

A Devil in Jersey: Chapter V

In Which the Colonel Suffers an Embarassment of Squirrels



Excerpt from A Hussy’s Progress, the Autobiography of Moll Daggett

Chapter the Fourth
How I Become an Honest Woman, Continued

Now, I twas oft surprised by the good Reverend's quirks and foibles. For rare twas for a man o' cloth to make a study of the mechanicals of witchery, leave off practicing them himself. But the Reverend explained it as turning the tables on Old Nick, using his own tools gainst him. For my own thinking, I believe the good Reverend had a wee bit of the devil in him.

So twas, the whole town of Crosswicks had been gathered on the common afore the church doors, surrounded by a cloud of the green-coated Dutchmen or Germans or what have ye, as well as some red-coated Light Bobs. A company of heavy German bouncers, all wearing bishops’ hats, was drawn up on the green with their muskets abayoneted and ready for murder.

When the good Reverend went all a glow, there was much uproar. This was the especial case with the dumb animals, for the horses were much affrighted as were the Germans or Dutchmen or whate’er they be call themselves.

Hard by the Reverend was the red-faced Colonel Mayhood fighting to keep his horse and screaming apoplectic to stop such chicanery. He ordered his men to seize Reverend L. Now, the Dutchmen were still aquavering with their officers and sergeants trying to restore order, all shouting “Goose Gott” which I took for either invoking the Deity or calling for their supper. So they were not fit to meet the cacafuefgo Colonel’s command.

Now the red-coats were old London gutter sweepings and if ye take their fine scarlet coats away, ye’d be seeing the like in the worst of the Cheapside stews. Thus, they were not as like to be afread of God nor Devil so two of these Lights seized the Reverend, flame or no. Likewise, the couple of brace of dragoons moved forward to block any as might have the pluck to help him. With that the flame round the Reverend faded away.

Then, there twas paunch-guts Major Zed at me elbow and he whispered to me that we must to make a distraction for the Reverend to escape. So out of the crowd he popped and began to bark out a great harangue of doglike gibberish directed towards the Dutchy-German coves. Then I made out him saying “Goose Gott.” Faith, thinks I, the great fat loaf is off ordering supper too!

Well, the bollocksy Colonel wasn’t having any of it neither. He ordered Major Zed arrested as well. Two more soldiers then tried to grab the fat man’s arms but that twas like so much kneading of lard I supposed for they could get no purchase on the big greasy hippopotamus of a man.

Now I knew not if twas his intent or if he had grown faint from the exertion of flappin’ his pie hole at the Dutchmen but a sudden, the big, fat Brother of the Bung grew weak in the knees began to list and seemed to fall like as a big mastyard oak. The poor little Light Bob who had hold of him struggled to keep him upright but twas as impossible as holding back the Flood. This poor sod twas in the path of the collapsing Major Zed and he cried out in panic, “He falls, …. he falls, … he falls on me!... Tell my wife I love her!” and then the great plumper capsized and squished the poor swadkin near to death.

But all tis for naught since the soldiery now have good hold on both the Reverend and the blubberly equerry. Muck-up Mayood was screeching how as he’ll hang them both for rebels.

I tried to cozen up to one of the soldiers who was holding back the crowd, hoping to get to the ruddy-minded English devil and mayhap calm him a bit with a view of me old apple dumpling shop. But the guard will have none of it, with a “bugger off, Croppy girl.”

To which I demurely replied, “Put it up your notch and sing, ye Orange Molly.”

I ducked back into the crowd just afore he had me kiss the rear of Brown Bess. Out the corner of me eye, I spied the Froggy Miss making a hasty retirement, walking backwards towards the wall of the churchyard. At first I thinks she be running off as the French are like to do, but no, she had a hard look in her eye and twas grasping a piece of her jewelry and amumbling. Expecting something fantastical, I was disappointed for she tried to back o’er the churchyard wall when her wide hoop skirts became all a-stuck betwixt wall and tombstone. Distracting her from anything to do with the arts macabre. She started calling “Merde, merde!” and I thought getting stuck in was hardly a thing to be shouting “Murder” about but later I learned twas a far more earthy offense she was reciting.

So now it fell upon Doctor McC to take up the cause of liberating our beloved sky pilot. Thus the Scots nimgimer clicked his heels together and two large springs popped out of the soles of his shoes. He crouched down and flung himself up. And up he went, and went, and then he began tipping over the backwards and so traversed the whole of the church roof, coming to rest in a tree at the back of the church. But this twas not the end of his journey for he then fell through the whole body of the tree, a good twenty feet if twas an inch, coming to rest upon the ground and a good thing there twas a fresh snow to soften his landing.

Now whether all this hurly-burly had helped, I know not, but of a sudden, there was Fenniman right next to the Colonel and pointing his long popper at the right bloody stingbum’s head.

There also twas Yap hard by and he, still playing the Indian, says to the lobster-back, “How.”

Twas ill then that the Dutch bishops’ nabs had been got in hand by now and the whole company leveled their firelocks at Fenniman and Yap and all the rest on the green, including my beloved self. To be sure, I called to mind many of the Good Sisters’ knee bouncers for twas clear a massacree was imminent.

Then up popped the Clap-noodled Prince Leopold and he began to sing. Now for a nigmenog, he did sing a pretty tune, in fine tenor throat, and it rose o’er the hub-bubble. Then another noise far weirder came rising from the trees all about the green. There twas a great chatterin’ and squeekin’ like a thousand rocker chairs off the kilter.

Then out of every tree and wood came a great grey and brown host as what must have been every squirrel and chipmunk this side o’ the Delaware a scurring across the common summoned by the doddering prince’s song. The vast shaggy mass passed amongst, over and under the soldiers, breaking their ranks and creating uproar. The horses of the dragoons reared and bucked. Twas as complete a pandemonium as when someone drops a farthing at a Scotch market.

But also bolled o’er was Fennimen and his long rifle knocked from his hands. Strange, Major Zed was avoided completely by the creatures, despite being laid on the ground direct in their path. No doubt, they perceived him as some impassable Alps and so went around.

Every Squirrel in the Jerseys

Finally, Colonel Maywood’s horse twas under-reached by the great chattering mob and off it went, bucking and rearing and carrying him about the green with him squealing like a maid of works after a Saturday night dance. This caused much laughter and jeering, even from the soldiers for the Colonel twas cast in the mold of old General Martinet.

This great relief twas interrupted by a trumpet blast. I saw a troop of horse coming down the Trenton road, a gent in bright crimson and lace at its head. The squaddies all drew up with long faces and came to attention. All that is, except Colonel Mayhood who still rocketed about the common sounding like a banshee on Samhain.

Just then I noticed catch-fart Zizzendorf returning all friendly like with three of the Hessians. I gave him a harsh whispered word that here he was cavorting with them what were just as like to slaughter us.

His response was, “Strumpet, I have convinced these that I am Hessian spy and that they must assist me.”

“Ye hang-arse periwinkle,” said I, “Ye would betray us as quick as Judas if it served ye more like.”

Word went through the crowd that here was General Cornwallis himself. He did not appear pleased at the shambles that was to be seen of his men on the green. Of course by now, the rodential horde had dispersed so no doubt Mayhood looked to his general like an idiot or, far worse in an Englishman’s eye, a bad horseman. The General shouted out harshly for Mawhood to control his mount and attend.

But who came running but Prince Leopold’s dogs, Wilkes and Barre, for they had been a gift from this same gentleman when the Prince was his prisoner. Cornwallis showed some delight at the hounds and, even more of a surprise, greater delight to see the buffle-headed Leopold.

He called the boy o’er and fairly beamed at him, “My dear Prince, what a wonderful surprise to see you again. Whatever are you doing here?”

For ‘tis a strange thing that the Prince was held in high regard by so many great gentlemen, General Washington himself included, despite being the most flap-noodled dolt that e’er graced these shores. I suppose a royal title counts greatly in this, or mayhap ‘tis natural compassion as one feels towards kittens or complete idiots.
Prince Princox returned the complement in a courtly turn and said, in that mashy accent of his, that he is “hewe to hewp this good Pwiest in God’s sewvice but who, now, has been awwested by youw subowdinate.”

A look of surprise and then rage passed onto the General’s face and he shouted, “Mayhood!”

The rattle-pated Colonel who had finally exerted some control over his beast now that raging squirrels and glowing parsons were not present, came over most sheepishly.

He stammered out, “My lord, as I reported, I received intelligence that rebel agents were at work in the village. Since we were sending a foraging party here, I reinforced it and led it myself… There was resistance so I ordered the arrests.

“Resistance, Colonel?”

“There were such things occurring here, my lord… you cannot imagine…. Glowing preachers…tumbling fat men… squirrels!”

“Squirrels, Colonel?”

“Squirrels, my lord!”

Cornwallis sat and look at Mayhood as one would look at a tantadlin tart smeared on one’s front door.

“Colonel, I have always said, an arrest is an act of fear not of justice. How shall we reconcile these people to the Crown if you blunder about arresting ministers and bewailing the …squirrels! It is fortunate for you that I received your message about your intentions here. I became concerned about your overzealousness and came to see for myself. I shudder to imagine what might have transpired here without my intervention.

“No doubt your report of rebel agents came from some ill-informed local Loyalist who saw the Prince and his party and did not understand that they were paroled prisoner of war.

“Further, sir, there will be no independent foraging, as I have told you in the past when you used that excuse to court mischief.

“So, sir, you shall return to your command at Princeton and you shall not stir from that place unless ordered by myself or, in my absence, General Grant, who shall be the area commander. Is that clear, sir?”

Well a plucked peacock would not look more surly but Mawhood assented and betimes gathered up much of his troops to march home, with tales of the fearsome monsters that dwell in Jersey, such as the squirrels and chipmunks.

In the meanwhile, I went and aided the Lady Toady to extricate herself from betwixt the headstones and a good laugh I had while doing so. We then went to assist our acrobatical physician who was sitting with his back against the tree which had become such a close acquaintance.

“I thinks ye be suffering from the Fallin’ Sickness, good Doctor McC,” said I.

“Hardly, Mrs. Dagget, just a miscalculation in my path of flight. Oh and you need not trouble yourself with bandaging my wounds. I am quite capable of doing so myself.”
Twas unfortunate that the good doctor did not remove the springs from his shoes afore he went to work bandaging his knee for as he moved it, the spring on his foot was pushed down and thus began to propel his knee repeatedly into his downturned face.

While he reeled from these unexpected blows, I asked him, “Doctor, what sort o' wizardiness did the Reverend conduct that caused the flames but him not burned?"

"Oh hardly high wizardy," came his reply, as serene as if he were speaking of trimming his garden verge. "The good Reverend has made quite the study of the alchemical processes and has acquired quite a talent for their more ... impressive manifestations. In this case, he merely worked an alignment of the air about him with Elemental Fire, keeping a pocket, if you will of fresh air nearest to his person. Very showy but, as you saw, of limited effectiveness."

"Faith, Doctor, I hain't the slighest notion of what ye speak but it simple, sure enough. By the way, have ye any idea how our puzzle-headed Prince twas able to summon up all them creatures?”

“Ah, an excellent question and one that I have been contemplating whilst I lay here at rest. Major Zagloba has reported that the Prince has a certain affinity for animals, as apparently do all in his dynasty, a fact the Major attributes to their admiration for wits superior to their own. Couple that with the fact that the Prince recently …ah...ingested the insubstantial form of a vampire, a creature known to be able to summons foul creatures such as wolves and bats. The result is that he has undoubtedly acquire a similar ability although the exact type of creature appears to be less menacing, shall we say?”

All this pleasant palaver was interrupted by the Prince who introduced all of us to The General Himself. Then that chummage-raker Dalby put himself forward and invited the Great Man to break his fast in the pettyfogger’s house. So off we all went, pretty as you please, to break bread with the King’s Commander.

Now the one fine thing about this was that I was introduced as “Widow Dagget of the Reverend’s house.” Now I know not if the General took me for some destitute cousin taken in by the Reverend for charity but he must of thought me more than a servant and so invited me to sit by his side. This twas afore Dalby or anyone could contradict.

An Enemy but a Gentleman Nonetheless


Thus I was treated to enjoy a fine breakfast with the quality and mealy-souled Zizzendorf forced to wait upon me every command. Twas as fine a repast as ere I enjoyed!

Now during our meal, I kept my eye on Mrs. Dalby knowing what Major Zed had claimed about her. She seemed very backward in the fat man’s presence, not meeting his eye, and betimes she complained of headache caused by the morning’s excitement and retreated to her rooms.

Now the Reverend explained to the General that we have been asked to attend to a series of foul murders in the town, possibly by some mysterious creature, a mission to which no gentleman could take exception.

At which point, the curdle-brained Prince says in a loud whisper that he probably should not tell the General about the one who sent us, “the owd gentweman, with the gwasses and the kite and the ewectwicity.”

“Ah, Doctor Franklin sent you?” offered Cornwallis.

“Cwap! The Genewaw must be cwairvoyent!”

“Hardly, dear Prince, but, despite our political differences, I have the utmost respect for Doctor Franklin and if he has sent you upon this mission, I do not doubt it is a worthy one. Certainly, if its purpose is to relieve these people of a murderer, be it man or beast, who am I to deny them your assistance.

“Provided,” here the General’s voice took a far sterner tone, “your endeavor will do no harm upon the troops under my command and that you do not violate the oath of your parole.”

“Absowutewy not!” assured the Prince. “But once I am exchanged, I shaww endeveaw to wetuwn to the fway.”

“As any gentleman would. Of course, had Mayhood succeeded in arresting you unjustly that would have relieved you of your oath as the grossest violation of our obligations of your parole.

“But, Highness, I fear that your opportunity to be exchanged is a great improbability. For one thing, General Howe has seen fit to declare an end to the campaigning season, so any further action, and sadly the capture of Philadelphia, must wait until spring. As I am sure you are aware, most of the enlistments of your Continental Army are due to expire at the end of this year. I am afraid, dear Prince, if, even by some miracle, you achieve an exchange, there will be no army to which you could return.

“Facing such a frustrating prospect, please do consider a return to Europe. With the close of campaigning, I return to England to attend to my wife who is ill. I would be honored if you would accompany me."

“Word Cownwawwis, I am most appweciative of youw kindness but my sense of duty, hehe, fowbids me fwom accepting youw gwacious offew. I must tawwy hewe until Bobo Wongewynde finds his monstew.”

“’Bobo?’” I whispered to Major Zed who was slavering down the last of the breakfast ham.

“It is an honorific meaning “Uncle.” We in Ruritania apply to our clergy and our boar spayers.”

“I would have expected nothing else, Highness,” said Cornwallis. “We must maintain a picket here. They shall be at your service, Reverend, should you need them in your tracking and apprehending this malefactor.

After this there twas much good feelings and conviviality until a much more subdued Mayhood reported that all was in readiness to return to Trenton. With that, the General took his leave, taking care to leave the men he had promised, six of the green-coated Hessians under a Lieutenant Schnitterbock.

The Prince was the next to leave the table and he ordered Yap to open the door.
Now whether twas a heathen stubbornness or merriness that prompted the act, Yap, still got up as an Indian, maintained his guise by saying but one word and that being, “How” much to the befuddlement of the Prince. Thus,

“Yap, open the doow fow me, pwease.”

“How”

“You just tuwn the wittwe knob and push.”

“How”

“Put youw hand awound the wittwe knob and wotate it cwockwise.”

“How”

“Wet me show you!”

At this the Prince proved himself capable of opening the door and exiting the house. From the other side of the door, we heard him say, “See, Yap, it’s not that hawd. Know wet me in and you can open the doow for me pwopewwy.”

“How”

"Put youw hand awound the wittwe knob and wotate it cwockwise."

“How.”

As this went on for some time, the Reverend buried his face in his palm and I swear I thought I heard a sob escape from his normally stoical visage.

Excerpt from Samuel Longewynde, Notes upon the Investigation into the Occurrences at the village of Crosswicks, in the State of New Jersey, December 1776

The next step in the investigation was to examine the dwelling place of the second family murdered, the farm of the Crump family.

An additional area of examination was the grave of the late Reverend Hadley. As a suicide, the Reverend had not been buried in the church yard but rather had been interred in a small clearing just within the boundary of the Pines.

Fortuitously, the gravesite was along the path to the Crump farm and so was the first place of examination.

It was determined through the use of dousing techniques that the coffin and body of the Reverend Hadley was present in the grave.

Dead Hadley Knows No Rest

It was also determined that two smaller objects of metal had been buried with the coffin. When dug up, these proved to be boxes of iron such are used to keep papers and accounts of importance. Both were well rusted and showing much wear from being buried so long.

The lock on the first was quickly picked open by Mrs. D. with no damage to the contents. These proved to be a large sheaf of papers, much damaged and oft illegible. Nevertheless, it was determined that they were a continuation of the writings of the late Reverend in regard to the matter of the Leeds offspring. These were determined to read as follows,

I have put the question to Mrs. Leeds. She is possessed by a great demon. The frame barely holds. She sleeps now. Forever. Seperated never to be rejoined.
_______________

She is buried. The demon shall be bound. The elders agree that they shall establish a bulwark in the Pines.
_______________

The village knows peace. The creature has been seen in the Pines but does not come beyond the strongholds. Why then are my dreams so troubled? Why do I feel as though eyes are upon me?
______________

Dear Felicity, my dear beloved Felicity. How shall I live without you? What shall become of our infant daughter now that you are gone? I dream of my dear wife but they are terrible, I see her in the Fires of Hell.
______________

There is no sun, only the grey shadows and the eyes that peer out of the dark woods. I cannot sleep. I am bound to this place just like the devil in the woods. There is no hope.

Upon examination of the second iron box, it was determined to be similar in size and manufacture to the first box. Upon opening a similar sheaf of papers were found. These however bore designs most arcane in their formulation. The first being a design of three triangles described above three squares all in a line. Immediately seen was the similarity in design to the placement and design of the blockhouses in the woods….


Friday, August 17, 2012

A Devil in Jersey: Chapter IV

In which the Reverend and his Friends Enjoy No Respite from Their Labors, Major Zagloba Waxes Poetical, and the Reverend's Sermon is Most Rudely Interrupted




Excerpt from Samuel Longewynde, Notes upon the Investigation into the Occurrences at the village of Crosswicks, in the State of New Jersey, December 1776

Next, an examination of the blockhouse on the Luske property was conducted. Markings similar to those found on the cabin were present upon the entrance and apertures of the building. Some effort recently had been made to remove or obscure the wardings. The door was unsecured and entrance easily made.

Upon entry into the blockhouse, it was apparent that the building had not been occupied for a considerable time. There was no furniture or other items in the structure.

There was no evidence of any animal life ever having been present, neither were vermin present nor even weeds.

An examination for alchemical presences determined that some form of ritual substances had been used in the preparation of the building. Of note was the fact that no gunpowder apparently had ever been present in the blockhouse despite the obvious defensive nature of the structure.

The upper story was similarly empty. It was seen from this location that another blockhouse, about one mile distant, was visible to the south.

On the side facing the depths of the woods were three posts planted in a triangular pattern. The posts were approximately seven feet in height and six inches in diameter with warding marks visible on all three.

While the investigation of the location was underway, Major Z. had been sent for Sergeant F., with the intent of pursuing the signs left by the presumed beast responsible for the slayings.

It being on to dusk with no sign of the tracker coming, it was determined to return to Crosswicks and renew the investigation upon the morrow, following church services…

Excerpt from The Truest Son of Liberty, Being an Account of My Life Spent in Defense of the Rights of Man in the American, French, Polish, and Ruritanian Revolutions by Valeri Zagloba

While the others examined the farm of the late, lamented Luske, I remained in the carriage and took the opportunity to consult with Themis, the goddess of thought, seeking inspiration for our quest. For some reason, the Reverend Longewynde took umbrage at me for this endeavor. He veritably flung me from the carriage and stated that since I was being of no help here I should go and fetch Fenniman, and perhaps the Prince’s hunting dogs, for he intended to track the devil that very day.

Quite perplexed by the Reverend’s outrage, I set off down the long and winding path to the village. A fearsome cold snow began to fall and I was drenched and freezing within moments, cursing to myself the unjustness of the Reverend for placing me in such a situation and also cursing my own equanimity for I am so mild and humble a man that I bore this persecution without complaint.

Fortuitously, just as I was about to expire from these privations, I arrived before Bulfinch’s tavern. I staggered with my last ounce of life remaining and croaked out a plea to be saved from Boreas’ grim grasp and be provided with aqua vita.

Good Mr. Bulfinch, as sagacious an aubergier as one could imagine, saved my life by producing a small cup filled with the sustenance of life.

“Why Mr. Zagloba, you look like you should be home abed with a hot toddy,” he said whilst handing me another cup.

“What is that?” I inquired.

“A hot toddy? Why that’s a drink.”

“Why, that’s too bad,” I replied.

But his words brought to my mind our earlier dialogue concerning the fair Mrs. Dalby. Realizing that the earnest squire was likely to be following the Reverend Longewynde through the woods in search of his demon, I thought it high time I paid my respects to his undoubtedly lonely lady.

If was but a short step from thought to deed and I soon found myself crossing the village green to the fine house of the Squire. When a prim and officious servant answered my knock upon the door, I asked to see the lady of the house.

When the servant showed some reluctance to my entreaty and asked who I might be, I said, “Tell her that I am a Major in the Continental Army and a European, thereby making me irresistible to American women.”

I was instantly introduced into the well-appointed drawing room. Before me was one of the most strikingly beautiful women I had ever seen. She was about five and thirty but with lustrous raven hair and eyes as blue and deep as the heart of the sea.

Hoping to Place Horns Upon the Head of Mr. Dalby


Inspired by such beauty, I offered her Marlowe, quoth I,

Had we but World enough, and Time,
This coyness Lady were no crime.
We would sit down, and think which way
To walk, and pass our long Love’s Day.

“I beg your pardon, sir, but may I assist you in some manner?” came her perplexed reply.

But at my back I always hear
Times winged Chariot hurrying near:
And yonder all before us lie
Deserts of vast Eternity.

A look of trepidation entered her eyes, “What is it that you require, sir?”

The Grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace.

I observed that my words had the intended effect of rendering her incapable of reasoned thought. She shook visibly as I approached her and took her hand in mine. I pressed her sweet fingers to my lips and said,

Now therefore, while the youthful hew
Sits on thy skin like morning dew,
And while thy willing Soul transpires
At every pore with instant Fires,
Now let us sport us while we may;
And now, like am'rous birds of prey,
Rather at once our Time devour,
Than languish in his slow-chapt pow'r.

“You are a member of the Reverend’s party, I believe,” she stammered out between hurried breaths.

“No dear lady, the Reverend is part of my party.” I took her other hand in mine and pressed my lips gently to her delicate dactyls. “I am aide to General Radziwill and he commands our enterprise while I command him.”

“He is the celebrated young prince wounded at New York, is he not?” she said as she coyly pulled away from me, yet taking care not to allow her digits to escape my grasp.

“Yes, and I was by his side that day where but for me the young royal gallant would have died on that dread field.”

“How brave you must be, sir!”

“I am Zagloba, Major Zagloba. But you may call me Valeri.”

“How please I am to meet you, Valerie. You may call me Constance.”

“Oh dear Constance, how glad I am for constant shall be my love.”

“You flatter me shamelessly, Valerie, as so many of the men of Europe do. I spent my youth in England and visited the Continent many times. I do miss it so.”

“Then, dear Constance, allow me to make this drawing room a canvas on which to paint you a portrait of the continent that misses you.”

I regaled her with tales of my travels about the ancestral lands and among the courts of Europe, fashion and food first, music next.

Throughout she strove vainly to mask her growing amor for me, making inquiry as to the progress of the Reverend's investigations. To return her to more pleasant fields of endeavor, I turned our conversation to the most recent dances I had enjoyed in Paris.

When I spoke of the dances, her lustrous eyes shown with the brightness of the sun. I offered my regrets that we could not share a step, having no music. At this, she called for her servant, Tabitha. Soon a fetching young Negress came and sat at a small pianoforte that stood in the corner. Tabitha began to play most excellently, a talent boasted of by her mistress, who taught the girl herself.

I accompanied our dance with verse as a spice to our rising passion. Thus, we began with a gigue lente, to which I applied the lines,

Come live with me and be my love,
And we will all the pleasures prove…

followed by a minuet,

And I will make thee beds of roses
And a thousand fragrant poises…

and then I swept her away with a most improper waltz,

And if these pleasures may thee move,
Come live with me, and be my love.

We concluded with her clinging to me and gasping for breath. I then said, “And now, from the Portuguese, our final dance - La Lambada.”

I dipped her head lowly towards the floor and pressed my lips to hers to which she responded most passionately.

At this most inopportune moment, the sounds of her husband’s arrival reached me.

I released my fair Constance, who dropped importunely to the floor. I hastened towards a window and flung it open. I easily squeezed through the small aperture. One of the advantages of never wiping the grease from my hands after dining is to have a ready source of lubricant.

As I hastened away, I heard a plaintive cry, “Do call again, Valerie.”

Excerpt from A Hussy’s Progress, the Autobiography of Moll Daggett

Chapter the Fourth
How I Become an Honest Woman, Continued

As we stood huddled about the headstone, Fenniman produced an oddly shaped stick from his pack. He said ‘twas a “dousing rod,” normally used for locating good water but it sometimes had a knack for sorting other sorts of things buried below the dirt.

Before he could commence, up returned Reverend Longwynde and company. I provided him with the intelligence regarding the late Hadley’s notes that Yap had discerned as well as our discovery of the Leeds grave.

The Reverend told Fenniman to pray continue and so the woodsman did. The stick quavered in his hands like an old man’s pickle at the Johnny Tub as he trod about the graveside. Betimes, though, he announced that there twas something underlying it, of coffin size and shape.

Then the Froggish tart, Madam de B.M., took up here jewelry and waived it about the grave. She announced in that thick, garlicky voice of hers that there was a residue of evil to be found thereunder.

Finally the Reverend had me sprinkle some holy water upon the grave. When I did so, it boiled up as soon as it touched the ground.

“Warmed by the fires of hell,” the Reverend concluded.

There was some dispute then whether to dig up the grave, but with the day quickly losing its light, the Reverend declared that he must think on whether to dig up what may be a demon’s mother and this should not be done in the dark of night with no preparations.

Thus, we all retired to the house with the Reverend retreating to the dead man’s study to examine if anything more could be gleaned from Hadley’s notes.

I concluded that this twas as fine a time as any to wet me lips at Bullfinch’s and so left quietly by the back door. Of course, that puking German catch-fart, Zizzendorf, is there laying in wait, though he claimed to be returning from the stabling the carriage horses.

“Where do you go, Madam?”

“As far away from you, ye churlish moldwarp.”

“Zen, pray, Madam, endeavor to return vithout a dosage of ze clapping, please!”

“Fie to you, ye unnatural codpealer!” I gave to him and was off.

When I arrived a few moments later at Bullfinch’s, there sat fat Mr. Zed, guzzling rum like a camel that had just cross all Araby drinks water. He called me o’er and began to regale me with his fancy about the near seduction of Squire Dalby’s dame. I soon surmised that what e’er might have passed betwixt them, there was no congress, continental or totherwise. Still, he twas a merry companion in the cups for an hour or four.

Betimes, we must leave for the good Reverend insisted that I attend his services on the morrow, split head or no. Thus we both staggered back to dead Hadley’s house, fuddled to our gills and Mr. Zed endeavoring to get hold of my maiden dalliance but to no avail for he can scarce reach o’er his great paunch, slippery from grease though he might be.

Now Hadley’s house was small and perforce I must share the attic garret with Lady Frogpond, who no doubt is convinced she breaks spring wind by the airs she so puts on. For the high and mighty froggess does not permit me to share the bed and so I must suffer on a cot neath the roof eaves. Still, I’d had worse at sea or goal but twas a crammed berth no doubt.

Now the dreams that did assail me that night were the true terror of the Nightmare what comes gallopin’. I dreamed that I was back in the study but dead Hadley hung there still, his back to me. I lifted a hand to the body that turned towards me. I saw then his face twas covered in worms and other vermin. The odor of putrescence from the dead man’s body assailed my nose. Asudden, his guts came exploding out of a distended belly. Then this foul ordure took the form of arms such as a squid might have but thrice as large and ten times as strong. They wrapped me up and began the squeezing of the breath from my body.

What Dreams May Come

I awoke with a terrible start finding the sheet had wrapped itself round my throat. At first, I thought I might return to sleep, telling myself that the dream was just the product of the night’s debauch. But I could not sleep and the more I lie there, the more that I grew afraid that the crammed place wherein I slept was closing in to crush me. Finally, I could tolerate no more and, in a panic, fled the room. I could hear that everyone in the house that eve was a stir, the Doctor especially crying out in his dreams. I came to the fire in the main hall and there was Yap sitting bolt upright, a look of fright great in his eyes. The Prince was by his side, offering some comfort by giving to the fierce Tartar a child’s toy, some sort of stuffed clothe animal shaped like a chicken-headed dragon.

I went into the yard and the Prince and Yap followed me, affecting much concern. The Prince saying he had a bad dream about wrestling with scarecrows who then burst into flames when they captured him. Yap said he too dreamed but would not speak of its portent. There we stayed until dawn, trying to cheer each other.

As the sun came up, I returned to the house to cook the breakfast, only to discover that all the victuals that the old village women had laid in for us had gone off. Of course, Mr. Z. partook of a full side of bacon notwithstanding the rot.

We all discussed the varied terrible dreams we suffered and wondered if the house truly was haunted.

When the Reverend came down, he admitted that he too had strange dreams but he had more interest in some additional notes he had discovered in the study.

“Here are a couple of notes that our good postman overlooked. I hasten to add, through no fault of his, for the writing is well neigh illegible. As I can make it out, it says,

“ I have been confirmed in my belief that the creature is supernatural. Guazzo’s Compendium Maleficarum speaks of the Sons of Lilith who lay with the daughters of Man and spawn terrible beasts that cannot be slain.

“Binsfield speaks of demons bound to their earthly mothers, who cannot stray overly distant from the womb that begat them.”

“'Binsfield' is of course De Confessionibus Maleficarum et Sagarum by Peter Binsfield and I am sure you are all familiar with Guazzo’s great work.”

“Was he the man who sold iced cweams at Wake Geneva?” asked the Prince.

The Reverend signed and shook his head, “No, he’s a famous Italian mystic of the last century.”

“Did he make iced cweam?”

“NO, he didn’t make iced cream! He was famed sorcerer and alchemist! Now, I could find neither work in this house and so I presume that Reverend Hadley availed himself of the Academy’s library at Princeton.

“These notes stand as proof that he came to believe that Mother Leeds did indeed produce this creature by unnatural means and that there is some a linkage between mother and offspring. The Reverend evidently discovered some manner of using the mother to bind the creature to a limited geography. But I cannot begin to surmise how this was done.”

Before we could discourse more, grim Bozarth arrived.

He said, “You are all still alive? And sane? The Devil must have an especially grim fate intended for you. Reverend, the congregation is gathered for your service.”

So we trooped out to the church and a better attendance I had not seen since a triple hanging on Tyburn. The Reverend insisted that we all attend, save Yap, who being of the Turk’s Faith, was excused and waited outside.

Now, I have had numerous sermons delivered to me or about me, most with the mention of Jezebel, but I must give the good Reverend his due. For a stoical man, he was as good a harp polisher as I e’er heard. There he was thumping away, preaching against the hypocrisy of them what attended to services but kept the devil in their hearts. I liked especial a bit about, “Woe unto them that seek deep to hide their counsel from the Lord, and their works are in the dark…’” I fell to sleep only twice the whole two hours of his sermon.

Then there twas a bustle outside and Yap ran in to say the King’s soldiers are coming into town.

The whole crowd rushed out and I saw already crossing the village common a gaggle of foot-pounders in green coats, bearin’ short rifles and long mustaches. Behind them, coming down the road from the north was a troop of horse and a thick column of marching huffs. From the west side of the common another loose file of red-coated soldiers came running in.

Zizzendorf nodded towards the green-coats and muttered, “Deutsche jaeger.”

“Dutchmen, ye say?” I asked him. “So the English are bringing them into the fight as well?”

The silly German fumed and said, “Deutsch, not Dutch, you clod-headed trollop! We from what you call ‘Germany’ call ourselves 'Deutsche.'”

“Now what sort of a Nation tis so ashamed of itself that they masquerade as Dutchmen?”

Afore we could dispute further, a fobbin’ great bewigged officer rode up, red-faced and angry as if someone spit in his morning mush daily.

He shouted out, “I am Colonel Mayhood of His Britannic Majesty’s Forces. We are here to collect supplies for the army and route out any rebels. Any resistance shall have fatal consequences.”

Arrival of the King's Men

A couple of the Dutch green-coats by this time had wandered over to our great wagon and they commenced to jib-jabbering like monkeys at what they intended to be their plunder. Zizzendorf ran over, screeching baboonishly to them and thinks I that he will soon be shot, a thought that brightened my mood considerable.

Then the officer road up close to the good Reverend and said, “Reverend, I hope you preach loyalty to the Crown in your sermon!”

Dalby, with a quavering voice offers, “Colonel, we are all loyal subjects here. There is no need for violence.”

“Loyal, eh? A messenger brought me word this very morning that agents of the so-called Congress are being hidden here! Well Reverend, shall you make this easy upon your flock and tell me who they are?”

The Reverend looked skyward, and continued with his interrupted sermon, “The text is Matthew 23, verses 27-28, ‘Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For ye are like unto whited sepulchers, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness.’”

And with that the Reverend began to glow with bright, heavenly light that shown forth across the whole village green.